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sensesnumb

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Life......And my final post on LJ [11 Apr 2006|05:40pm]
[ mood | blah ]

life...when defined in a dictionary you find definitions such as "The physical, mental, and spiritual experiences that constitute existence." But WTF does that mean? over the past 19 years of my "existence" ive experienced many things. and I believe life can not be summed up in one line.
right now im located in pheonix, thousands of miles from where I "WANT" to be. I have only been gone for a day and I feel horrible. I miss my friends terribly. They have always been there for me, even when my so called Mom and step dad werent. when my mom would not take me in, they were there. when my mom refused to aid me in transportation, they were there. when I didnt even have two nickles in my pocket to rub together they supported me..i guess the feelings i have for them are ones that only you yourself will feel. that are really un-expressable because no arrangement of words could possibly create a sentence that would come anywere remotly close to how greatfull I am to them.
I guess the difference between the last time i left and now is a continual tug of war between what I "WANT" and what I "NEED." I never wanted to leave shelby. The last time I came back, was because I realized just exactly what I was missing my home, my friends, and my dog-lol!
But as you all know thanks to my new stepdad i can no longer call that place my home. And the way he did it was so rediculous. I totally was caught by suprise. that day I tried to help my mom so i cleaned around the house for seven hours taking the ocasional smoke break of course but still seven hours and then i was just reading up on some old college stuff and out of the blue he comes into my room and says ever since ive been there (the whole 3 days) i caused contention throughout the house and that i needed to leave. being that he was my superviser also for work at this same time i was not only out of a home i was out of a job. THANKS "DAVE" I just think he saw me as a kink in his happily ever after story living with my mom.
To my Friends, I know many of you feel as though i just threw up my hands and gave up. and yes your right I did. I emotionaly broke down, and "thought" everything would be better if i just left! to be honest Im glad im gone from my mom and step-dad. but my friends I miss them dearly.
and to all of you i owe you all an apology! im sorry! you guys never gave up on me and for me to give up so easy was wrong. and for that im sorry. there was many things i wished to accomplish while i was back that i never got to do. some were real personal, others just recreational. those personal goals that I never accomplished. I suppose were just never meant to be. you know. i dont know really. ive always wanted to believe that god has a plan for all of us. but throughout the last few months i dont believe that anymore. i believe he gave us life and the ability to choose for ourselfs. and i for one have made a ton of wrong decisions. i was talking with someone the other day about regrets and you know in that moment i just blurted out i have no regrets. but it was one of those times you say something and are like FUCK i couldnt possibly be farther from the truth. when looking back on life i have many regrets. sometimes looking back i play little skits in my head on how if i would have said this or if i would have done that. how the situation or thing could of possibly played out differently. and it bothers me alot! i guess alot more now cause there is no possible way that i imagine me fixing it. ahhh fuck im just moping alot cause i miss everyone so much and im Alone.

IM GOING TO GO SMOKE A BOWL AND FORGET ABOUT THIS WHOLE POINTLESS POST OF ME RAMBLING ON ABOUT POINTLESS SHIT.........

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I like this qoute... [12 Mar 2006|11:13am]
[ mood | content ]

*~**The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else*~**Don't frown,You never know who is falling in love with your smile*~**Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear*~<3


***Also I am Coaching youth 14 this year and am looking for a assistant head coach if anyone is iterested plz let me know cause im going to need some help thnx***

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Interesting Billboard [05 Mar 2006|05:34pm]
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The East Coast is........ [02 Mar 2006|10:33am]
[ mood | determined ]

Fucking amazing. thats all I can say I love the east coast! Im in Georgia and i have to say im loving every bit of it. everything is rolling hills/mountains and very green with plentiful streams and waterfalls tucked back in the woods were you can be all alone to smoke marijuana and shit like that lol.
I left with Jeff to embark on this journey to georgia and let me tell you/Everyone "JEFF BIRR IS A FUCKING RIOT" lol im so glad I was able to go with him. and guess what WERE NOT GIONG BACK HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PEACE

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[08 Feb 2006|10:30pm]
Without you........MY WORLD IS CRASHING DOWN!
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[27 Jan 2006|09:31pm]
oh man its been so long since i have been on lj its crazy i really have nothing new to report i am just taking everything day by day. i have a ton of bills flying in lol but i guess thats usuall when you have a gambling addiction lol. between my truck,insurance,2 credit cards, best buy card, and gas i think im putting out around 1700 dollars in bills lol crazyness i have to stop playing poker lol. well chat at everyone later cox
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[08 Jan 2006|07:33pm]
So yeah its now 2006! everyone sticking to there new years resolutions? lol! Utah has really been kicking my butt this last week. If its not one thing its another. for instance I went to install this girls cable, just yesterday. well we hit it off right away and when I was finished with my job she told me to stop bye for dinner anytime! and gave me her phone #. well i was talking to my Qc guy and the next thing i know dispatch is calling me telling me that two girls reported me for sexual harrasment and that they were offended by conversations plus that I asked for her number. and corporate was all over and that is grounds for automatic termination and stuff like this. so Im freaking out thinking holy cow holy smokes. i had to pull off the road to take it all in well when i pulled over i ran over somthing huge and metal and popped my tire. so on top of me thinking im getting terminated my tire is blown and im just loosing it! well it was about 10 min later and dispatch tells me that that they were joking. ive never been so angered lol.

well anyways it was a wile since i updated so once again hope everyone is doing spectacular back home:)
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ME V.s Coming home [19 Dec 2005|10:22pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

vWell I have un-oficially have set a date for me to come home! I've decided that the best time would probably be around July. That way I can stop bye and pic up a shitload of fireworks and we could all have another "social gathering" on the 4th of July! I had such a blast this year that I so want the night to go the same way! so call me! leave a voice mail! or just post on wether or not that will work for you cause im so excited if it will!

I'm kinda planning to take the whole month of July off so that I can hang out with everyone!

Also if you didnt attend last years spectacular 4th of July @ Cox's plz come this coming years im promising it will be 2x as good im looking to buy around $1000 dollars worth of fireworks this coming year and provide some music and well of course lots of alcohol lol! well anyways get with me and dont be a squar......JUST BE THERE lol

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[18 Dec 2005|09:54am]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]

Christmas is just around the corner!!! I cant wait to work right through it lol! (sarcastic) yeah It kinda stinks that I have to work through christmas but the money will be amazing so I suppose that will make up for it! well other than posting about my job I am still in the market for a new car I just cant decide but I want a really nice one to drive on my one day I get of every two weeks lol.

Well anyways I hope everyone has a super stellar Christmas!


Love Cox

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Big Decisions [13 Dec 2005|11:00pm]
Well today I was faced with a huge decision that really has weighed on my mind for the past couple of days! I've been trying to decide to buy this BMW man it very nice a nice car and its a 2004 hmm...such big decisions.

you know it just hit me lol thats sad that I only got three numbers lol....WOW I AM PATHETIC! lol ha pathetic and very tired!

..........I MUST SLEEP ON THIS ONE>>>>HMM.........
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I miss my puppy [09 Dec 2005|08:38pm]
[ mood | horny ]

Well heres the deal....I know it seems like I post this every other month lol! but I have lost my phone once again and I am getting one pretty soon but I am broke untill my first paycheck so if I could ask plz post me some #'s cause I've lost them all! sorry!

On a sidenote* I miss everyone and my dog sooooooo soooooooo much its eating me apart Im am trying like hell to get back to see everyone im thinking about making a "Get Cox home" fund lol and passing it around lol
but for real I miss you all hope to see you soon!

On another sidenot* I NEED TO FIND ME A DAMN GIRL!!!! QUICK! lol

P.S HOPE THE HOLLIDAYS ARE ABSOLUTLY AMAZING FOR YOU ALL!!!!!!!!


Cox

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[02 Dec 2005|02:10pm]
hello everyone, Welcome!

Well so much has happend in the last two days its like a roller coaster out here sometimes its happening and other times its really slow just trying to survive........(Definition...LIFE) lol well anyways I am now OFFICIALLY "COX THE CABLE GUY" lol yes thats right lol I just landed a awesome job as a cable man lol! yes you know the cable guys get the chicks lol! im so excited i make around 1200 a week wich is fucking awesom lol but anyways im off.........PEACE
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[27 Nov 2005|05:16pm]
Well I really have nothing important to talk about currently at the moment im still out west trying to find a job. Im getting a little home sick just a little but hopefully it will pass lol! Im tired of being un-employed! GRR

On another note im kinda wondering what im going to do for christmas this year? With it being my first year on my own! I would really like to be with my family but I guess theres a point in everyones life were they have to break free! right? I guess! I just hope I can find someone to share the hollidays with...lol actually I just hope I can find someone lol!

Cox
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[21 Nov 2005|10:42am]
[ mood | anxious ]

WOW I have experienced so many things in such a small amount of time its crazy! in the past week i have traveld to...St. Louis, Pheonix, Los Angeles, Palm Springs, Las Vegas, Stoped in provo to rest and now im in Idaho trying to scrape up enough money to get me to Denver! lol ive met so many interesting ppl it insane i have loved every minute so far! last night i spent 3 hours just walking around the city of boise talking to ppl and seeing the sites! but im in the library right now and my time is about up so ill post some time!


MISS YOU ALL........Cox

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The Worst Possible "GOOD" idea concieved.... [26 Oct 2005|10:20am]
[ mood | hopeful ]

IM MOVING TO IDAHO....on the ninth of november. I really didnt know how to write a prelude to that lol. i dont know now fair warning im just going to ramble on everything in my head so yeah....well i really dont know were to begin everything lately has been pointing to a new start and new beggining but with no answers to what that could of meant i didnt know what to do untill i found out that i could follow my sister and brother in law out west to arizona then jump up to idaho by myself so i guess to be point blank about it i thought it would be good. from a imature standpoint "exciting" lol but the only thing is my mom said if i do this i cant come back for a year wich kinda confuses me cause like how can she tell me that you know? wierd but i dont know im just so nervouse right know im going out west not knowing what will come of it. im going to miss all my friends so dearly i wish you all the best of luck in all your endevours and i hope to god you guys will never forget about me cause i know ill be constantly thinking of you guys....




DUSTIN

I THINK THIS SONG FITS

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NOTE TO SELF [18 Oct 2005|09:20pm]
A beautiful girl can make you dizzy
Like youve been drinking jack and coke all morning
She can make u feel high
Full a single greatest commodity known to man
Promise promise of a better day
Promise of a greater hope
Promise of a new tomorrow
This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautilful girl
In her smile & in her soul & the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like its gonna be ok...
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Going on a Mission [26 Sep 2005|08:13pm]
well ive been doing alot of thinking again and i talked to some ppl and im now preparing to go on a 2 year mission! and ive never been more excited and scared at the same time! i love it and i cant wait to go! TTYL PEACE
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.......... [23 Sep 2005|09:08pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Man life is so crazy i was on such a high and this week has seriously been some trying times and you know i read this article that stated god places us through trials but none to great to overcome and this weeks definatly has broke me down its just been one giant tumble untill now i think im definatly at the bottom my dog has been gone for 2 days now and wow i swear i couldnt feel any worse this must be like loosing a child...i shure loved that dog like one i just pray that god will pick me up cause i dont know what to do....

Goodbye Dakota.......;(

Crying out for......
And you said i know that this will hurt
but if i dont break your heart then things will just get hurt
if the burden seems to much to bear
remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

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A AWESOME SONG THAT I CANT GET OUT OF MY HEAD!! [19 Sep 2005|07:16pm]
When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God, somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

[Chorus]
I'm getting into you
Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life

When he looked at me and said
I kind of view you as a son
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

[Chorus]

I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person you deserve to worship you
You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do you say
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into

[Chorus]

He said, I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into
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WHO I AM HATES WHO I"VE BEEN [17 Sep 2005|08:28pm]
[ mood | touched ]

My ultimatum,

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have been looking back at who I once was and who I am now. And find myself asking “what happened?” and who am I? And one day I decided to take a drive and so I just took off driving in no particular direction anywhere would do. And I came across this church sign that read…”what’s in your heart is who you are!” and I was totally just struck hard. I was like wow its amazing how God puts us in certain places and that point to answears as long as your willing to listen. But also leaves it in your hands to make the change, and immediately I knew what needed to be done, and that is 1. quit drinking 2. quit smoking 3. partying. Cause that just leads nowhere. With that I began to think of all the activities I had with friends that did not include any of those such things and the good “clean” fun we had…there was no alcohol or drugs needed to get a laugh just “friends” and I miss that more than anything…lately ive been reading a lot of scriptures and going to church and I haven’t felt better I look back and don’t regret anything I have left behind I am choosing my role and its with my lord……………Amen!

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